When I first met Janeya she had this sorrowful look in her eyes, one I had seen countless times in my career as a relationship consultant. She felt like an outsider, a stranger in her own home. “My husband’s family treats me like an outsider,” she confessed with a heavy heart. Unfortunately, this feeling of isolation and alienation in what should be the warm and welcoming embrace of family is not uncommon. There are practical steps you can take to navigate such tricky dynamics and build bridges of understanding. We will explore strategies to help you feel more included and less like an outsider.
Why Does My Husband’s Family Treat Me Like a Family Treat Me Like An Outsider?
It’s important to understand that there are many possible reasons why your husband’s family may treat you like an outsider. Some common factors include cultural differences, personality clashes, jealousy, misconceptions, overprotectiveness, and past conflicts or misunderstandings.
It’s also possible that your husband’s family may not know how to include you in their dynamics or may be struggling with their internal issues. Whatever the reason, it’s vital that this does not reflect your worth. You are just as deserving of love and acceptance as anyone else, and
10 Things You Can Do When Husband’s Family Treats Me Like An Outsider
What do you do when you don’t get along with your husband’s family? How do you deal with family interference in marriage? How do I deal with my husband’s rude family? These are some questions that may be running through your mind. Here are 10 practical steps you can take to improve your relationship with your husband’s family and feel more included in their lives:
1. Understand the dynamics
“My in-laws treat me like an outsider”- it’s easy to take this personally and feel hurt by their actions. Try to understand the dynamics at play. Are there cultural or generational differences that may be causing misunderstandings? Is your husband’s family going through a difficult time that may be affecting their behavior?
Understanding these factors can help you approach the situation with more empathy. Pay attention to how decisions are made, how conflicts are resolved, and how affection is shown.
Take mental notes and ask your husband to explain things you don’t understand. The aim is not to judge but to gain insight into their ways of being and relating. This understanding can help you navigate interactions with them more effectively and find your place within the family system.
2 . Avoid complicated and sensitive topics
When family treats you like an outsider conversations can quickly turn sour when sensitive topics are brought up. It’s important to avoid discussing controversial issues, such as politics or religion, especially if you have different views from your in-laws.
These topics can easily lead to disagreements and tension between you and your husband’s family. Instead, stick to safe and neutral topics like hobbies, travel, or shared interests. This can help you build common ground and foster positive interactions.
3. Show genuine interest
“What should a girl do when her in-laws make her feel like an outsider?”
One way to address this feeling of being an outsider is by showing genuine interest in your husband’s family. Ask questions about their interests, hobbies, and experiences. Listen attentively and engage in meaningful conversations.
This helps you get to know them better and shows that you are genuinely interested in being a part of their lives. You may even discover common ground or shared interests to help you bond with them.
Engaging in conversations with them can help build rapport and create a sense of connection, making it less likely for them to treat you like an outsider. Avoid talking solely about yourself and try to learn more about the family.
4. Be respectful of their traditions and beliefs
“Still treated like an outsider after 5 years”- It’s important to respect your husband’s family’s traditions and beliefs, even if they differ from yours. This can show that you value their culture and ways of life because your husband’s family has their traditions, beliefs, and ways of doing things.
You may only sometimes agree with them, but respecting their customs and practices is essential. Avoid criticizing or belittling their traditions, even if they seem strange or outdated. Be open-minded and participate in their customs, rituals, or celebrations whenever possible.
This helps you learn more about their heritage and shows that you are trying to be a part of the family. Respect goes a long way in building relationships, especially with those from different backgrounds.
5. Plan family activities
“Husband’s family excludes me”- sometimes, families may not intentionally exclude you, but they may not know how to include you. Take the lead and suggest planning family activities or get-togethers. This can help create opportunities for bonding and getting to know each other better.
You can also invite your husband’s family for dinner or organize a day out together. These shared experiences can bring you closer and help you feel more included in their lives.
Collaborating with them on planning activities can also help break the ice and foster a sense of teamwork and cooperation. By spending time together in a relaxed setting, you can get to know each other better and create positive memories.
6 . Involve your partner
“My husband lets his family disrespect me.”- Involving your partner in addressing this issue is essential. Your husband can act as a bridge between you and his family and help facilitate better communication and understanding.
Discuss with your spouse how his family’s treatment makes you feel, and devise ways he can support you. This could include standing up for you when necessary or helping explain cultural differences to both parties.
Your partner can also help set boundaries and establish healthy limits with his family if their behavior becomes too much for you to handle. It’s essential to present a united front as a couple, especially when dealing with family issues.
7 . Let go of expectations
“When in-laws exclude you”- It’s easy to have expectations of how your relationship with your husband’s family should be. But it’s necessary to let go of these expectations and accept things as they are.
Trying to force a perfect relationship or too hard to fit in can create unnecessary pressure and lead to disappointment when things don’t go as planned. Instead, focus on building genuine connections and accepting that your relationship with your in-laws may differ from what you imagined.
You can relieve yourself from feeling like an outsider by letting go of expectations. Accepting and embracing the reality of your situation can help bring more peace and harmony to your relationships.
8. Get to know them individually
Getting to know your husband’s family members individually can be beneficial in forging stronger bonds with them. Instead of constantly interacting with them as a group, seek opportunities to engage with each family member one-on-one.
This could be something as simple as offering to help them with a task, inviting them for a coffee, or engaging in a hobby they enjoy. This will give you a better understanding of their personalities, quirks, and interests and demonstrate your genuine interest in getting to know them personally.
Such individual attention can help break down barriers and lead to more solid connections, reducing the likelihood of feeling like an outsider.
9. Don’t force relationships
‘You’re not family”.- Not all relationships are meant to be close, and that’s okay. While it’s important to make an effort with your husband’s family, it’s also essential to recognize when a relationship may not work out.
Forcing relationships can often lead to discomfort, resentment, and an overall sense of unease. It allows relationships with your husband’s family to develop organically and comfortably for everyone involved.
Trying to rush or push relationships can come off as insincere and may push them further away. Genuine connections take time and require mutual respect, understanding, and shared experiences.
10 . Limiting contact and maintaining perspective
You deal with a toxic family-in-law, and you feel like cutting off all contact is the only way to maintain your sanity. Before making any drastic decisions, taking a step back and maintaining perspective is essential. Consider limiting contact instead of completely cutting them off.
This can help preserve your mental and emotional well-being while maintaining some form of relationship with your husband’s family. Do not let their toxic behavior affect how you see yourself or your relationship with your spouse. Their actions are a reflection of them, not you.
Also, your relationship with your husband is separate from his family and should not be defined by it. Keep the communication lines open with your spouse and work together to handle any challenges. Above all, prioritize your well-being and do what feels right for you and your mental health in the long run.
FAQS
Who comes first in a marriage, spouse or family?
Both one’s spouse and family are essential and should be prioritized differently. According to a survey by the National Survey of Families and Households, prioritizing the spouse over the family of origin correlates with higher levels of marital satisfaction. This does not imply cutting ties or ignoring one’s family of origin but ensuring that the spouse’s needs are not neglected.
It’s a delicate balancing act that may vary from family to family. In situations where there may be conflicts between one’s spouse and family, a man should advocate for his wife while maintaining positive relationships with his family.it is also vital for him to maintain a strong relationship with his family and involve his wife in finding solutions.
What is family interference in marriage?
Family interference in marriage is when one spouse’s family becomes too involved or meddles in the couple’s relationship. This can include making decisions for the couple, imposing their opinions or values on them, and causing tension or conflicts within the marriage. It’s vital for couples to set boundaries with their families and prioritize their relationship as a partnership.
Does anyone have sibling-in-laws that treat you like an outsider?
Yes, many people have experienced being treated like an outsider by their sibling-in-laws. This can be due to various factors such as cultural differences, personal dynamics, or past conflicts. Building individual relationships with them can also help improve the situation and create a sense of inclusion within the family. Every relationship is different, and it may take time for things to improve, but maintaining boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.
Conclusion
Being a part of your husband’s family can be a rewarding experience, but it can also come with challenges. Following these tips can build stronger relationships and create a sense of belonging within your new family. With time and effort, you can become an integral part of your husband’s family and enjoy a sense of belonging within the family unit. To prioritize your well-being and communicate with your spouse about any challenges.